Carla Jean Philline
23
9 January 2021
04.38 am
My Transient Solo Space in Manila, Ph

Never will you fall apart

I regularly care for myself through feeling, sensing, and moving my body. By providing comfort through touching and gentleness. As somebody whose primary and preferred language since childhood was touch or non-verbal expression, this is my way to give myself that love. This was a discovery and constantly present gesture for me throughout my years, showing up in different forms whether through solitude, dance, sports, a reminder from a book or a friend. I'd like to especially mention my grandmother who has communicated so much to me through her hands in mine. For the month before, there has been unexpressed grief and anxiety within me and a compassion that I 'forgot' to value, my care was difficult for me to give to myself. So, the weeks that led up to this day has been a flow of healing and soulcare that came in many forms like support, friends, song, my grandmother's letters, a dream, writing, and deeply connecting. I woke up early that day with an active nudge to move to clear energy, give myself unmixed attention, listen, and provide my body that love she's always deserved regardless of how any previous suffering. So, I trusted the shuffle of my music, felt called to play this particular song and just let go into it. Kisses to say more than "you will be alright". More than words. This is my love and care.

I regularly care for myself through feeling, sensing, and moving my body. By providing comfort through touching and gentleness. As somebody whose primary and preferred language since childhood was touch or non-verbal expression, this is my way to give myself that love. This was a discovery and constantly present gesture for me throughout my years, showing up in different forms whether through solitude, dance, sports, a reminder from a book or a friend. I'd like to especially mention my grandmother who has communicated so much to me through her hands in mine. For the month before, there has been unexpressed grief and anxiety within me and a compassion that I 'forgot' to value, my care was difficult for me to give to myself. So, the weeks that led up to this day has been a flow of healing and soulcare that came in many forms like support, friends, song, my grandmother's letters, a dream, writing, and deeply connecting. I woke up early that day with an active nudge to move to clear energy, give myself unmixed attention, listen, and provide my body that love she's always deserved regardless of how any previous suffering. So, I trusted the shuffle of my music, felt called to play this particular song and just let go into it. Kisses to say more than "you will be alright". More than words. This is my love and care.

Keywords:

breathing, caress, embrace, dancing, listening, meditation, resting, touch, sensing, stillness, feeling, love, beauty, belonging, comfort, connection, courage, empathy, faith, hope, nurture, peace, refuge, safety, strength, trust